Almost 40 while parenting
I have one child left in my house...
An almost 16, introverted, nonchalant, beautiful, intelligent, sometimes lazy daughter.
Who happens to be a Sagittarius.
Who thinks she’s my mother.
I also have a child who is out of my house...
An almost 20, free spirited, naive, loving, intelligent, gorgeous, sometimes lazy son.
Who happens to also be a Sagittarius.
Who thinks he’s my dad.
I’ve been doing this mothering thing since I was 19.
And at almost 40, I’m tired.
Not tired of mothering.
I’m tired of parenting.
I have been blessed to coparent with their dad who is a pretty decent fellow. They get a lot of their good traits and a lot of their not so good traits from him.
At 19 and 20, we didn’t know what we were doing. And over the years, this truth has reared it’s ugly head.
Being a parent is trying AF.
In every freakin stage...
And I’m tired of doing it.
I love my daughter but I want her to be self sufficient.
I want her to know how to cook, clean and have a drive that is bigger than mine. It‘s hard to force those principles on an almost 16 year old who was used to going back and forward from her dad to me and is now living with me full time.
2020 has been a year of transition for us all in so many ways...
From being in quarantine
to having to wear a mask outside
To virtual school
Because I know it is tough,
I’m trying to give them both grace.
My son is a black man in America...
One who decided to get married at 18
One who is struggling to keep a job
because smoking trees and playing basketball is life....
Though I’m no longer responsible for parenting him,
the Capricorn in me is yelling “what the hell are you doing?”
I did say I was tired, right?
Though my moments of being weary from parenting and worrying about their futures are at an all time high, I have to remind myself that I too was a teen girl trying to understand life. Thankfully, I didn‘t have to battle with social media and a pandemic my sophomore year.
When I am frustrated, I recall being an almost 20 year old, pregnant and confused
Asking myself too “what the hell are you doing?”
The best things that I can do for my kids right now are below:
Live my best life. Continue to love them and listen to them.
Pray more than ever.
Be a safe space.
Say less. Give grace. Lead by example.
Give them room to grow and evolve.
Because that’s what I’m doing right now
as I write to you
from my bedroom floor...
I am getting better every day.
And if God can do it for me
He will definitely do it for them.
In their own time.
Moms, some things are just out of our control.
Sometimes, we won’t have all of the answers.
Some days, we are going to hurt our kids unintentionally.
There may even be days that we hurt their feelings on purpose to wake them up.
No matter what, don’t ever think you are a bad mom.
Because you aren’t.
You might just need a break. A mommy moment every now and then.
Where it’s just you.
Take those moments.
It’s ok. It’s necessary.
And when your kids get older
they’ll thank you for it.
Parenting may be a tragic disaster some days
but being their “mom” is the icing on the cake.
Until next time,
A. Eaddy McKeithan