John met Jane on Instagram and after a week of online courtship from John, the two decided to meet for dinner and drinks. The bottoms went up and the inhibitions went down. That cycle continued until Jane realized John's annoying attention to time management and John realized Jane’s perceived lack of ambition. It ended suddenly, when John popped a melatonin at 8pm on their “6 month anniversary”
because it was a Sunday and his Mondays had to start at 5am to have a successful week.
Jane realized when she got into her car to drive home that she hated the way John chewed his food, treated his mother, and his disdain for spontaneity. These issues weighed far heavier than the fact that he was successful but boring and impersonal. She left her key to his place and a note behind. Ironically, Jane got back on Instagram and started another cycle.
Another cycle in the cycle of cycles of dating.
Wait, was Jane even dating?
She was adamant she was!
But, what would her friend Merriam Webster say?
Merriam describes the act of having more than one date with a person with the intention of accessing suitability and compatibility for a long term romantic partnership as “dating”; or in her words: a person with whom one has a usually romantic date(s).
When asked, Merriam describes romance as consisting of or resembling a romance, having no basis in fact or imaginary or impractical in conception or plan.
Wait, romance is impractical?
Merriam says that things that are impractical are not wise to put into or keep in practice or effect and that people that are impractical are incapable of dealing sensibly or prudently with practical matters.
Practical?
Merriam describes practical as relating to, or manifested in practice or action, not theoretical or an idea.
Jane is stuck in a cycle of dating, romance, impracticality or the absence of practicality. But, why?
Simple, Jane refuses to acknowledge the power of words and their definitions and continues to participate in dating.
Jane spent six months dating John with the intent of accessing John’s suitability and compatibility for a long term romantic partnership. It was only at the half year mark that she realized that John was not suitable of compatible because Jane never established and communicated the qualities in a man that she would partner with long term, nor did she give any hint of what qualities she possessed that deserved consideration from a man looking to partner with her on a long term relationship.
What could Jane stop doing during the dating phase to improve her chances of finding the right one?
Simple, stop dating!
Women that are looking for a lifetime or at least long term romantic partnerships should stop dating, because by the very definition of the word, dating is romantic and impractical. It is very romantic to fall in love, however, at the end of every fall is the reality of a flat hard surface called reality; or the quality or state of being real according to Merriam.
The faster the fall, the harder the landing. Most dating entanglements end right around the time that both parties are done “falling” in love and have actually splattered concrete. At this critical moment, both parties must get up and pick a direction in which they will run. If the two parties are not in lockstep, then they are running in different directions.
Game over. Restart the cycle.
Love is a leap of faith and Jane must realize that in order to break her cycle of cycles of dating, she must first find a version of John with which she can discuss THEIR landing and subsequent march towards lifelong happiness; then hold him accountable to the plan and expectations agreed upon. The best date is no date.
But, there’s a lot of time spent dating so how should Jane fill the void?
Jane should spend the time not dating and more time self-reflecting and building.
Before Jane looks for a lifetime partner, why shouldn’t Jane self-actualize and become her greatest self? Whatever version of Jane that Jane is content with will determine the version of John that she ends up partnering with.
Therefore, Jane’s best chance of finding the best version of John, is by finding the best version of herself.
Who YOU are determines WHO you attract
Coach Miller
Richmond, VA
Non Linear Thinker
Non Partisan Political Buff
Leftfield Inhabitant
Lover of Love