Terms that I have heard throughout my lifetime.
I must admit, I can be some of those things.
Each of those traits have become a part of who I am in some way shape or form.
The key has been learning how to stabilize my emotions or in other words, “Not giving AF”.
This hasn’t been easy.
Over the years, I have been a people pleaser.
Though I have dramatically toned that shit down, I still have my moments.
You see, once I let you into my circle, you become family, a part of me. It doesn’t matter if you are a lover, a friend or even my children.
I carry your burdens. I want what you want. When you’re unhappy, it’s hard to be happy.
I celebrate you. I gas you up. I encourage you and remind you of who God says you are.
I want you to know that you are seen.
All of that sounds fine and dandy until it isn’t.
Until that moment when no matter what I do, you aren’t happy.
When you don’t give what I give.
When I’m ignored. When my continuous moments of selflessness starts to take a toll on me physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
Then resentment and bitterness starts to grow in place of the love and peace that once was there.
This, my friends, is a breeding ground for disaster.
People pleasing never leads to success.
It never ends well. The more you live your life trying to make someone’s better, the more you forget about what’s important.
Sometimes, women feel that they must sacrifice their wants and needs in order to be considered the best wife, mom, sibling, friend, daughter etc...
Some of us have watched our mothers sacrifice so much and put herself last that we see it as a badge of honor.
Anytime you are making the decision to deny your own needs to make someone else happy you have entered a sinking ship. And you’re sinking fast.
There’s nothing wrong with being selfish. There’s nothing wrong with choosing you.
There’s nothing wrong with establishing boundaries and expectations.
There’s nothing wrong with only saying “yes” to things that serve you well.
It doesn’t matter what society or your religion says.
Living your life for others isn’t living.
And you deserve to live.
If you’re giving your all and everyone that you serve is content but you’re not, some changes need to be made.
Pause and reflect.
What can you do today that makes you a priority?
What conversations do you need to have?
Whatever needs to be done needs to be done.
Life is way too short to be living unfulfilled.
Get from the back seat. Yo, you deserve to be driving.
Until next time,
A. Eaddy McKeithan